Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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