I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
