The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
