everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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