you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
