Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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