So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
