____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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