Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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