It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need to sanitize my soul.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
