Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
