i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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