I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize