I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
