Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
