I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
