There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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