My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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