I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
