You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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