chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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