Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
