My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
