I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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