you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
