I hate all girls vehemently.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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