I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
