It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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