I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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