i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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