im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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