if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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