ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
