He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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