9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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