We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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