I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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