What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
We got so high we made milksteak
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
