margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
