I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
