it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
