If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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