He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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