Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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