You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
