Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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