Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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