Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
