He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize