I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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