i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize