like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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