ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
