finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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