I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
