Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
