so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize