I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
