I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
