So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize