It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
