I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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