You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize