Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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